Dearest Dawnya-- I FINALLY got your sisterhood package mailed. I sincerely apologize for how long it took me. I have excuses but they don't matter, I just hope that you like and can wear some of the clothes I sent. The good news is that most of them are fall/winter clothes anyway.
I have just cleaned out my closet of some XL/14/16 clothes and you are welcome to those too :) In fact, if Dawnya doesn't want them, the first person who asks can have a surprise package of "basics"-- a pair of barely worn khaki pants and a series of barely-worn, brand new looking long-sleeved t-shirts in black, white, brown, and teal (size XL) as well as two cute sweaters in XL- one short-sleeved purple, and one dolman sleeve teal. I bought all of these clothes last winter so they are barely worn. Nothing fancy, but serviceable and free. Just know that my track record on timely mailing is spotty at best.
Now as for the other slacking. . . today I weighed in at 162.4. I have weighed somewhere between 159.8 and 162.8 for two months now. Everytime I seem to be settling right at 160 and almost ready to really break through into the 150's, I bounce back up.
That's because I'm eating exactly like I did before banding food-choice wise. I just happen to be eating less of it. I am failing myself by making bad choices (I baked cookies AGAIN this week) and by not exercising. And of course I have avoided blogging too, because I'm not concentrating on what I need to do to treat myself right. The only difference between now and every other time I've lost weight and then lost motivation once I got close to goal (never actually made it TO goal) is that my band is helping me maintain. On the one hand, that's good, because that's why I got the band. On the other hand, I've gotten complacent and lazy and if I ever have a complication that requires the band to be removed, I know I can't say I've used this as an opportunity to learn new habits that will sustain me for life. That's disappointing to realize.
I'm going to first try to get back to blogging and commenting (computer problems have also been contributing to this-- I can't find a good Blogger app for my iPad, anyone know of a good one?).
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Quick Request
I have some students doing some research, and they need help choosing the images they will use in that research. If you would be willing to rate a series of 20 photos of female celebrities for how "sexual" the picture is, please click on this link:
http://www.surveymethods.com/EndUser.aspx?C5E18D97C38F949FC4
Please be aware that some of the images contain partial nudity (breasts, but no nipples), so if you're concerned about doing the survey at work with that information, no problem!
Edited to add: Thanks to you that have done it already- my students will be very appreciative. We do want you to rate how "sexual" the picture is, and how people define that is going to vary-- that's ok, that's why we take an average rating :)
http://www.surveymethods.com/EndUser.aspx?C5E18D97C38F949FC4
Please be aware that some of the images contain partial nudity (breasts, but no nipples), so if you're concerned about doing the survey at work with that information, no problem!
Edited to add: Thanks to you that have done it already- my students will be very appreciative. We do want you to rate how "sexual" the picture is, and how people define that is going to vary-- that's ok, that's why we take an average rating :)
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
The Book of Face
I followed Drazil's lead and made a Lapband version of my facebook page so I can follow you all there too. Here is the link: Zen State.
I don't know if you've seen MandaPanda's tough love post today, but I needed it. I have been drinking wine EVERY night, and not drinking water every day. It is no wonder I'm not feeling my best these days. I'm not gaining or anything (also not losing), but I just don't feel as strong and healthy as I could.
I don't know if you've seen MandaPanda's tough love post today, but I needed it. I have been drinking wine EVERY night, and not drinking water every day. It is no wonder I'm not feeling my best these days. I'm not gaining or anything (also not losing), but I just don't feel as strong and healthy as I could.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Dinner of Champions
This weekend I made these cookies. They are candy-corn crunch cookies, and I substituted white chocolate for the milk chocolate chips. They are monster cookies-- each cookie is 1/4 cup of dough.
I have eaten. . . more than I intended. I may have had one for breakfast AND dinner last night, with a bean and cheese chimichanga sandwiched in the middle for lunch. So even though I dipped my foot briefly into the 159 territory on Sunday, I have waved it goodbye and settled back in the 160's.
Ladies, I hope you have the time of your lives in Chicago. I will miss you but I can't wait to hear about the shennanigans when it's all said and done.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Curses!
My students insisted that I should play Words with Friends (through Facebook- I downloaded the app on my iPad)
I listened, and now I'm sort of addicted.
So if you are a player, my username is.
I listened, and now I'm sort of addicted.
So if you are a player, my username is.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
My One-Year Bandiversary
Today it has been one-year since I was banded.
In some ways I feel no different. I am the same person after all, and I had such a "healthy" sense of denial from a day-to-day perspective that it wasn't like I was miserable being morbidly obese. I had accepted it and loved myself anyway. But, there is no doubt whatsoever that life is a bit different one-year later. The lap-band has been such a gift and I thank God that I was given this opportunity to get to a healthier weight before I developed any medical complications (not including the back/foot pain) related to my weight.
A year ago, I weighed 264 on the day of surgery. I had weighed 286 in August after returning from vacation, and my high weight was 293. I low-carbed my way down before surgery to get a jump start and I truly believe that it was the key to my success. I got my mind on board before the band was on board, so I was ready and already practicing "doing my part". Today I weigh 161 and I generally eat what I want, just a lot less of it.
A year ago, I wore a 3x in shirts, a 46G bra, and 24 pants. Today I wear a M in shirts, a 34F bra, and a 10 (closer to 8 than 12) in pants. Even though I've been stalled at my current weight for a month, my clothes are fitting more loosely.
A year ago, my measurements were:
Bicep: 17
Breasts: 51
Ribcage: 46
"Top Roll": 53 (this is where my waist is supposed to be)
Hips: 56
Thigh: 30
Today my measurements are:
Bicep: 12
Breasts: 38
Rib: 34
Waist: 34
Hips: 38
Thigh: 22
My measurements do reflect a lot of excess skin (my breasts and stomach), but I'm ok with it for now until I can afford some plastic surgery.
A year ago, I intended to mark my one-year bandiversary with a final attempt at a successful pregnancy. I'd been told the reason I was having miscarriages was my weight and that's what finally spurred me on to try bariatric surgery. Today, though I've been told by every doctor I see that I'm "super fertile" because of the weight loss, I am no longer sure I want to have children. Life is good, as-is. It would be good with kids, too, I know, but maybe that's not the right path for my husband and I.
A year ago, as outgoing as I was, I was largely invisible to a lot of people without really knowing it. Some of them were people I work with and it is really frustrating to have people acknowledge my existence now when they generally ignored me before (I'm talking to you, creepy coworker). Mostly it's strangers, and to be honest, primarily men. Today, I get doors held open for me, I get checked out constantly, I get chatted up-- it's a strange, strange world. If I were single, I'd be thrilled. I'm not single though and while occasionally it's flattering (I'm talking to you, hot young fireman at the grocery store), usually I find it annoying to be constantly "ducking" my eyes not to invite attention.
There are a lot of things I still need to work on. I got yelled at during my "yearly" because my urine was so dark my doc said she's surprised I don't have kidney stones-- of course brought on because I don't drink water. And I'm not talking 64 oz-- most days I probably don't even drink 16 oz of water. I do two cups of coffee in the morning and a glass of wine at night and that may be my liquid intake for the day. I'm working on that. I also don't take any vitamins, and I don't exercise. There is a lot of room for improvement and I need to find that inner fire that got me this far to take me those next steps.
One of the best things about this year, though, was having BOOBS to turn to for support-- in laughter, in anger, and in sadness. Everyone has lifted me up and in turn, accepted my support, and I truly give you all of the credit in the world for my success this year. I honestly could not have done it without you.
-Yesterday, I turned 36. Here I am in my cute little size medium dress, ready for a fancy-pants dinner and a night at the symphony with my husband. Last year I would have been wearing a loose dress to "hide" my fat. Last night I wore a looser fitting dress because of fashion! Gasp, the thought.
In some ways I feel no different. I am the same person after all, and I had such a "healthy" sense of denial from a day-to-day perspective that it wasn't like I was miserable being morbidly obese. I had accepted it and loved myself anyway. But, there is no doubt whatsoever that life is a bit different one-year later. The lap-band has been such a gift and I thank God that I was given this opportunity to get to a healthier weight before I developed any medical complications (not including the back/foot pain) related to my weight.
A year ago, I weighed 264 on the day of surgery. I had weighed 286 in August after returning from vacation, and my high weight was 293. I low-carbed my way down before surgery to get a jump start and I truly believe that it was the key to my success. I got my mind on board before the band was on board, so I was ready and already practicing "doing my part". Today I weigh 161 and I generally eat what I want, just a lot less of it.
A year ago, I wore a 3x in shirts, a 46G bra, and 24 pants. Today I wear a M in shirts, a 34F bra, and a 10 (closer to 8 than 12) in pants. Even though I've been stalled at my current weight for a month, my clothes are fitting more loosely.
A year ago, my measurements were:
Bicep: 17
Breasts: 51
Ribcage: 46
"Top Roll": 53 (this is where my waist is supposed to be)
Hips: 56
Thigh: 30
Today my measurements are:
Bicep: 12
Breasts: 38
Rib: 34
Waist: 34
Hips: 38
Thigh: 22
My measurements do reflect a lot of excess skin (my breasts and stomach), but I'm ok with it for now until I can afford some plastic surgery.
A year ago, I intended to mark my one-year bandiversary with a final attempt at a successful pregnancy. I'd been told the reason I was having miscarriages was my weight and that's what finally spurred me on to try bariatric surgery. Today, though I've been told by every doctor I see that I'm "super fertile" because of the weight loss, I am no longer sure I want to have children. Life is good, as-is. It would be good with kids, too, I know, but maybe that's not the right path for my husband and I.
A year ago, as outgoing as I was, I was largely invisible to a lot of people without really knowing it. Some of them were people I work with and it is really frustrating to have people acknowledge my existence now when they generally ignored me before (I'm talking to you, creepy coworker). Mostly it's strangers, and to be honest, primarily men. Today, I get doors held open for me, I get checked out constantly, I get chatted up-- it's a strange, strange world. If I were single, I'd be thrilled. I'm not single though and while occasionally it's flattering (I'm talking to you, hot young fireman at the grocery store), usually I find it annoying to be constantly "ducking" my eyes not to invite attention.
There are a lot of things I still need to work on. I got yelled at during my "yearly" because my urine was so dark my doc said she's surprised I don't have kidney stones-- of course brought on because I don't drink water. And I'm not talking 64 oz-- most days I probably don't even drink 16 oz of water. I do two cups of coffee in the morning and a glass of wine at night and that may be my liquid intake for the day. I'm working on that. I also don't take any vitamins, and I don't exercise. There is a lot of room for improvement and I need to find that inner fire that got me this far to take me those next steps.
One of the best things about this year, though, was having BOOBS to turn to for support-- in laughter, in anger, and in sadness. Everyone has lifted me up and in turn, accepted my support, and I truly give you all of the credit in the world for my success this year. I honestly could not have done it without you.
-Yesterday, I turned 36. Here I am in my cute little size medium dress, ready for a fancy-pants dinner and a night at the symphony with my husband. Last year I would have been wearing a loose dress to "hide" my fat. Last night I wore a looser fitting dress because of fashion! Gasp, the thought.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Urk.
I am no longer a virgin, gentle readers.
Not in the way you are thinking-- that ship sailed a long, long time ago. No, this time I lost my innocence in a much more unpleasant context: the full stuck episode.
Stuck on my first bite of raw broccoli? Check. Horrible pain in my chest? Check. Slime? Check. Hiccups followed by the icky PB? Oh yes-- in fact, it took three cycles over 40 minutes to clear the pipe hole.
I made it 11 months + without experiencing this lovely lap-band phenomenon, thank god.
The good side is that because of my 2 days of liquids, I lost a lot of water weight and my scale is being momentarily friendly.
My semester starts tomorrow so I've been super busy working to get things ready. At the moment, I'm stuck at home working because my wood floors are being installed in the master bedroom. Not ideal timing, but I'm glad to get rid of the dog hair carpet that has accumulated over the last years no matter how many times I vacuum.
Not in the way you are thinking-- that ship sailed a long, long time ago. No, this time I lost my innocence in a much more unpleasant context: the full stuck episode.
Stuck on my first bite of raw broccoli? Check. Horrible pain in my chest? Check. Slime? Check. Hiccups followed by the icky PB? Oh yes-- in fact, it took three cycles over 40 minutes to clear the pipe hole.
I made it 11 months + without experiencing this lovely lap-band phenomenon, thank god.
The good side is that because of my 2 days of liquids, I lost a lot of water weight and my scale is being momentarily friendly.
My semester starts tomorrow so I've been super busy working to get things ready. At the moment, I'm stuck at home working because my wood floors are being installed in the master bedroom. Not ideal timing, but I'm glad to get rid of the dog hair carpet that has accumulated over the last years no matter how many times I vacuum.
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