Wednesday Confessions

* I can't stand my mother's husband. I mean, I really loathe him. So when she called and said he can't come with her to visit this summer after all, I literally did a happy dance.

* I take my national licensing exam on Monday. I think I'm ready, but I do plan to spend the weekend cramming.

* I take my state exam on Friday. I have not studied for it. I am so cocky that I think I'll be fine looking over the material tomorrow night. If I whine later because I failed, don't give me any sympathy.

* I have gotten super comfortable with 175 on the scale over the past week. I have started imagining what it would be like to just stay here. This is not a good thing. My BMI is *barely* under 30. I would have to gain about 5 lbs in order to qualify for lap-band surgery all over again. That's crazy to think about.

* Looking at myself now, it's hard for me to imagine WHY someone who "only" has a BMI of 30 or 31 would EVER get WLS. It's short-sighted and judgmental, and it's all about perspective- so if you're a low-BMI'er, please realize that I know this is my issue and not about you at all. My 29 BMI seems tiny and healthy to me because, in comparison to a 48, it is. But objectively, I'm still carrying around too much extra weight that will put me at risk for developing Very Bad Diseases. It's just so hard to remember that when I look at how far I've come.

* Summer teaching puts me in a bad mental place when it comes to food. For the past 4 summers, I have followed each 6 hour teaching day with a stop at a fast food place on the way home, where I binged, and then followed it with a 2-3 hour nap, at which point I'd get up and eat dinner. This summer I have made sure to take a protein bar for breakfast and some lunch for my 30-minute break between classes (today it was a few slices of pepperoni, a tomato/cuc/moz salad, and a slice of cantaloupe). That is PLENTY of food. But I'm so conditioned that when I got done at 2:30, I was ravenously hungry even though I already ate. I did manage to resist the pull of an ice cream cone and go home, but once here I had a few chips with salsa as a snack. On a normal day, I would not have been hungry but these summer teaching days are crazy hard-wired in my brain or something. I just hope I get through the next two weeks without a gain.

*I am pretty geeky when it comes to my entertainment. I was a big Buffy fan back in the day, and then my love turned to Battlestar Galactica, and now I have it bad for Game of Thrones & True Blood. I read any crappy paranormal romance book I can get my hands on, including Twilight (blech).

*I'm pretty sure that my exercise push was yet another short-lived and failed attempt at getting into a habit. Maybe this was just a bad time for me to try to start, but really, when is a good time when you're just not that into it compared to other ways you could be spending time? Perhaps I will get there someday, but this week will not be the week.