Sunday, May 3, 2009

Week One

And it begins. . .

I don't have a scale at home and have no intention of buying one at this point. I'll weigh in at my doc's once a month. I figured that I have room to lose 30 lbs in the upcoming months in prep for the surgery. It would be great if I could do that. We'll see.

Day one has been good. I'm psychologically where I need to be, I think. Committed.

Day 2: Dude, of course I had to do this at a very stressful time of year for me. It's finals time, which means grading, and hand-holding on final term papers, and grading, and exam-making, and grading. I actually cried tonight because I didn't think to check the taco seasoning for carbs and put it all over my chicken for my salad. So not a big deal, but I guess I'm fragile enough about the possibility of failure (again), that I'm on the edge. Get a grip, self.

I think the hardest thing for me to do post-band is to give up diet soda, so I'm going to try to do it now. :( These next few weeks are going to be tense at our house. I feel sorry for my husband!

Day 6: The rest of this week has been good. I've actually been pretty proud of myself. I've had a couple of "social" lunches and dinners (one of which I cooked- pasta! with bread!) and I have not gone off my eating plan even once. One of my students tempted me with Krispy Kreme's (which are currently sitting at my house, being eaten by my husband) and I resisted and continue to resist. I feel good. I've had some leg cramping, so I'm going to supplement my usual multi-vitamin with some extra potassium. I look forward to my next doc appt to check how things are going.

I'm going to stay with my strict low carb diet for another week, just to get in the mindset, and then I'm going to introduce more variety back in to see what works for me.

Oh, and I did buy a scale after all :) I seem to have lost a bit of water weight at least this week, but I won't know for sure until I can compare my new scale weight with my doctor's office scale later this month.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

The Day Before

This is another lifestyle change blog. I'm doing it for me, to chronicle my progress and set-backs.

I am 33 (almost 34) and I have a great life. I have an awesome husband whom I've been married to for 9 years. I have my dream job as a college professor at a small liberal arts college. I have great friends, financial security, and two dogs that I treat like children. And, I'm generally healthy--except for the whole morbid obesity thing. My cholesterol is a little out-of-whack, but otherwise, the consequences of obesity have yet to hit at full force.

Tomorrow, I'm officially beginning my journey (ack, I hate that word in reference to weight loss, but oh well) toward bariatric surgery. I will complete 4 more months of supervised weight loss, and then will schedule my surgery as soon as the insurance company approves it. I hope to do the LapBand procedure, because even though it isn't quite as effective as bypass, it is reversible and there is something really psychologically comforting about that to me. Until then, my doctor has advised me to increase my protein and cut my sugars/carbs to better approximate what my diet regimen will be post-surgery.

The thing that is motivating this major change now is fertility. I've been pregnant three times and I've had three miscarriages, the last one happening this February. Our specialist can't find any reason for this, other than bad luck, but everyone seems to think that taking the weight off would probably help. . . certainly won't hurt. I started my supervised weight loss in March, but I wasn't really committed to going through with it, and consequently putting off any more attempts at pregnancy until I've completed the process and gone a year post-surgery. But with my doctor and my husband, we made the decision on Thursday that I'm going to officially postpone pregnancy until after I've done the surgery.

And I'm ready for it. I'm ready to go through this change, develop a new lifestyle, and then try again when I'm at a healthier weight and I've got healthier habits to pass on to our children.

I've resisted the idea of weight loss surgery for a long time because it seems so drastic and I haven't ever really seen myself as "fat enough" to need it. But wow, I am. It's still sort of hard for me to accept that. I don't feel as fat as I am. I am confident, have high self esteem and I feel generally attractive; I've not been the subject of cruelty from other people for being fat. But I'm 5'6", weigh 293 lbs, and I have a BMI of 47. Holy shit!

So yeah, I'm "fat enough" all right. In fact, I'm fat enough that I think I'm going to have to fight my surgeon to get the Lap Band instead of the full bypass.

Tomorrow I'm starting a new phase of my life. I'm excited, and scared of failure, but I'm going to do it. I hope that this time next year I'll look back at this post and be healthier and wiser.