Sunday, June 3, 2012

Exercise Weight Gain, Check.

So my scale is showing my exercise weight gain as I've topped 160 for the first time in a while. In fact, today was 162.6 which I haven't seen since my Christmas weight gain.

I do know some of it is water weight, but I also think I am using exercise as a reason to eat more.  I've read a number of studies that indicate one of the reasons that people who rely on exercise for weight loss aren't as successful as those who concentrate solely on diet (i.e. doing one or the other) is because exercisers tend to increase their calories by 2x as much as they burn because they overestimate the effect of exercise.  So, in other words, I burn 300 calories and then I consume an extra 600 for the day and then wonder why exercise isn't helping me lose weight.  Some of that is increased hunger from energy expenditure, but some of it is simply a mental "I get a treat now that I exercised because they cancel each other out", except that I overestimate the calories burned by my exercise and underestimate the calories in my treat.

I need to be real with myself here about my band, too.  I am definitely pushing my band.  Definitely.  Yesterday we went to the farmer's market and stocked up on awesomeness (the corn last night for dinner was tender and sweet and I love eating local). On the way home, we stopped at 5 Guys for lunch.  I cut my burger in half, and when I was finished with the first half (including bun, which I don't need and causes me problems 5 out of 10 times, so I don't know why I persist), I was definitely full.  Band said stop.  I even recognized it and said "I'm full".  Out loud. And then I picked off the bun from the second half and ate the meat and tomato, plus a few of my husband's fries.  I obviously felt sick and uncomfortably full.  I am going to have dilation (if I don't already) if I keep this up.

So today I've decided to start tracking my food for a while again and I'm going to do weekly weigh-ins on the blog.  I haven't been following rules or being mindful for a long time now.  It's time for a refresher course.  In fact, maybe I should do the 5-day pouch test thing?  We'll see.  I'll start with tracking on myfitnesspal and see where I go from there.

My goal is not to lose, but to get a handle on being band-friendly and mindful again.  This is such a mental battle. I've said it before and here I'll say it again: I am morbidly obese girl in a slightly overweight girl's body.  And if I'm not careful, I slide very quickly into unhealthy patterns.

In nicer news, I went to a running store and got fitted for shoes that will hopefully support my flat foot and hip flexor problems.  Aren't they pretty?
Brooks Adrenaline GTS12

I walked in them yesterday and did a short half-mile trial run in them today (yes, I ran, I know) in the middle of a longer walk-- and I LOVE THEM.  So far so good-- my feet feel very stable and supported and my hips aren't bothered at all. 

Friday, June 1, 2012

Accidental Exercise

Yesterday I accidentally went to a step circuit class. . . and it was fun.  I'll be doing that again.

I have tried step before and I have had problems catching on to the fast moves (that damn t-step thing I still can't figure out), which has left me frustrated.  I don't know why Zumba is mostly fine but step is difficult for my non-choreography-friendly brain to process.  But whatever.  So yesterday I thought I was going to a BodyCombat class, but when I got there, I must have had the times mixed up because it was definitely step.

Good workout though, so I'll be back!

I start summer classes next week, so I suppose I should start figuring out a schedule.  I'm glad it's only a month.   Other summer plans include a trip "home" for a Cardinals game in June, a visit from my new colleague and her partner in June while they search for an apartment, a visit from my mom in July, and a trip to the beach house with pups, sis-and bro-in-law, and friends in August.  Other than that, it's wide open but I suspect it will go by super fast.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Surgery, Socialization, and Service

So, I had my plastic surgery consult last summer, and the plan is to wait until next summer to do my tummy tuck and breast lift because I'll (hopefully) be on sabbatical in the fall of 2013 and that will give me months of recovery time. But apparently my husband is tired of hearing me moan about my sad sacks, and has suggested maybe I should look into doing my breasts this year and the tummy tuck next summer as planned (I don't have the money for both this summer, so that's off the table). I'm torn.  My head says wait-- just go through one recovery, one battle with unfilling and then refilling my band, one anasthesia risk, and a saved $1000 by doing them both at once.  It really is the SMARTEST thing to do.  But I'm so so tempted to go ahead and do the girls this summer so I can look at myself in the mirror without shuddering in horror (a slight exaggeration, don't worry about me too much).

Has anyone had a breast lift and want to comment on the process?  Last summer my surgeon said I should be fine with a lift-- I have enough tissue left to not need an implant, but I'm not sure if that is still the case.  My body sure has changed over the year, even if my weight has been fairly stable.

In other news, I am finally being a good dog mommy and taking my 7 year old dog to a training class for socialization issues.  She is sooo anxious around other dogs that she gets anxious-aggression (snapping) and this is my fault for not ever socializing her.  We went to our first class last night and I'm so proud of her.  Man, she was not happy in the beginning, crying at me and jumping on me to try to get me to leave (she is a muscular 55-lb dog), but eventually she calmed down and by the time we got home I could tell she was super-proud of herself. We have three more weeks of classes and after that, the training place lets you come back to the same class for free "refreshers".  My hope is that by the end of the summer when we go on vacation to Florida, I won't have to shut her up in a bedroom when our friends come to our beach house for the weekend with their dog.

Today marks a full-two weeks of me actually getting up every day and going on a walk.  Sometimes I take the pups, and sometimes I go by myself.  I tried to jog yesterday and realized quickly that I'm just not mentally ready for it.  On the one hand, I'm afraid that if I push myself to run too soon (an activity I actually loathe), then I'll just quit everything in order to avoid it.  On the other hand, I just don't feel like walking is a good workout for me anymore and I need to do more to get my heart rate up.  I'm just trying to tell myself it's about the habit for now-- even if all I do is walk all summer, if I do it every day and make it a part of my routine, then who cares if it takes me a while to push myself to do more.  Walking every day is a hell of a lot more than I've done in many many many years.

Right now I'm waiting, for the second day in a row, for the air maintenance person to show up and do the summer service on our central air.  I HATE WAITING ON SERVICE CALLS.  Why the hell can't they make an appointment with me for a time?  Why do I have to sit around my house uselessly for four hours (or more) until they show up?  I understand emergency calls take precedence, but they have my freaking phone number-- would it be so hard to CALL ME???? I don't even want to go lay out by my pool, because I don't want to be in my swimsuit when the dude shows up at my house.  Argh.  *shakes fist in useless frustration*

Monday, May 28, 2012

Happy Long Weekend, U.S. Folks

It's been a while, but I've been thinking of you guys as I just got back from two work trips to Chicago this month and thought. . . . hmmm, I should see when the B.O.O.B.S convention is.  I'm thinking about coming this year-- have I missed out on everyone looking for roommates?

Updates on Me:  I got tenure and was promoted this spring at work, and other than that my life is stagnant.  I'm actually in the midst of a mini-mid-life crisis at the moment for that reason I think.  I'll just throw that out there and then leave it :)  Don't worry, I'm not a downer, just trying to figure out a new goal since my weight and career are check-boxed.

Weight is the same as it has been- steady at 158.  I've accepted it as my maintenance weight and am no longer trying to lose.  I'm not happy about it, but I'm not upset about it either-- it is what it is and it's easy.  Now that I'm not obsessing about losing anymore, I'm finally closer to a steady workout plan (for those of you who don't remember-- I never lose when I exercise--ever) to build up my strength and tone. Part of my mid-life crisis was realizing I need a hobby, so I decided exercise would be a worthwhile one. Who knows, maybe I can channel life angst into exercise fanatacism and actually become fit- ha!

Hi from Me!!!

Today we are off to Atlanta to watch the Cardinals play the Braves.  It's supposed to be hot as hell, but I plan to be a bad bandster and get a cold beer to help me through the heat :)  Hope you all are well and having a good weekend.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Bandster Blogs Are All Grown Up. . . *wipes tear of pride*

Oh Anonymous, flaming poster, you've finally arrived to bandster-blog land, officially annointing us as true Interwebs Members.  We've been accepted into the douchey, flamey, inner-circle.

In all seriousness, it seems there is a little epidemic of nasty Anonymous posters lately.  I'm sorry for those whom Anonymous has struck (I'm assuming it's more than one anonymous), but please don't let it get you down.  It comes with the territory.  Something about social communities where people can "hide" brings out the nastiness, even among people who are normally very nice, and it seems to happen in clusters.

So, keep on posting, sisters, and ignore the nasty.  And if you're considering joining the Anon fray and getting something off your chest, I'd urge you to reconsider whether that's really the person you want to be, because we may not know who you are, but you know. 

Monday, January 23, 2012

Exercise Blows

Argh!  I hate it that every time I start exercising, my scale immediately jumps up (um, like 5 lbs).  I KNOW it is water weight, but knowing it doesn't make me any happier.  It's the anti-incentive for a behavior that I NEED to see payoff to continue.

Moral of the story?  Yes, I'm not going to Body Pump tonight because my scale is a whore and my body hates exercise.  We'll see if I can do better tomorrow.

(At the very very least, I took the dogs for a walk today so I'm not a complete potato).

Friday, January 20, 2012

Doggie Trauma!

So you all know we have two dogs that are our "kids".  They are both 6 years old and have been out of their crates for over 4 years now.

Yesterday I left home for my WW meeting, and my husband got home about an hour later.  He walked in to blood EVERYWHERE-- all of the floor, smeared all over the wall and the big blonde dog. He can't find our other dog.  He's panicked and calls me.  I panic and rush home.

Well, it turns out that one of them pulled four art-pottery bowls from Fantoni off of the sofa table, and then they proceeded to EAT ONE ENTIRELY (it has disappeared), break one and gnaw the leather off of the back (this one is in shards and marked with blood-- it seems to be the source of the murder-scene), chew the ends on a third, and eat the leather off the bottom of the fourth.

This is what the bowls look like.  The one that was entirely eaten was a bit smaller- maybe 2x2 inches.

Edited to Add:  The Actual Remains (RIP)

So we find the missing dog (she was hiding, imagine that), stop the blood flow on the other (his paws and later, his mouth).  Knowing my dogs, I just KNOW that the one who is bleeding wasn't the one who ate the bowl-- it had to be the other one.  She eats things.  When she was a puppy, she ate an entire black "tough chewer" kong.  Not chewed it to pieces, I mean ingested the whole thing (the blowout when it came back up was not pretty).  So in spite of the evidence, I drive her an hour away to the nearest open vet.  She gets X-rayed and it looks clean-- like, at least she chewed it well before swallowing any large potentially hazardous shards.

The vet looks at me like I'm an idiot when I say that the other dog was bleeding from the mouth and I didn't bring HIM.  I was just so convinced because he does not and has never chewed or eaten a non-food item, ever, and Maddy is known for it (rubber kong, tree branches, a huge patch of carpet, dog beds, any piece of paper or cardboard she can get her mouth on, and recently, a brand new tampon that she took from my purse and managed to unwrap neatly, gnaw the plastic away, and then eat the cotton).  If one of my dogs is going to devour a CERAMIC BOWL, it's going to be her.

So anyway, today I'm on big blonde watch because the vet said he'd probably pass anything he ingested without a problem because of his size (he's 125lbs, giant breed), and if he had problems I would see some sign.

We have puzzled this event through.  WHY would they do this now?  They have been acting up lately-- last week an entire loaf of french bread disappeared from the counter, paper wrapping and all.  That wasn't tough to figure out-- big blonde can definitely pull things off counters and he LOVES bread.  Then yesterday we come home to a paper shredded mess in the basement, where some of our stacked bills/etc. waiting for filing had been pulled off the desk and chewed.  Again, Maddy got blamed for that given her love of paper even though she hasn't ever pulled something off a table or counter.  But POTTERY?  Old, Italian pottery (ahem, also it should be noted EXPENSIVE collector piece pottery) that I've had in that exact spot for years?

It appears we have a dog that has developed separation anxiety at age 6.  And he's a big blonde dog that is a Mama's boy.  ARGH.

Ok, in other news:  Does anyone know if you can record a video on your iPad and post it to blogger or somewhere online.  If so, how?  I can't figure it out.

Happy Friday!

Monday, January 16, 2012


Happy MLK Day.  I hope we can all remember that the struggle for equality in this world will never end, but it's an important fight.  The world today is a better place because of King and others like him.  At the very least, I hope you enjoyed a day off from work :)

I did a BodyPump class this morning and I have been exhausted all day.  I am weak as a kitten, y'all. But I liked it and I think I'll go again later this week.  I did BodyFlow on Saturday and it was ok-- I like hot yoga a lot better, but this is closer to my house, cheaper, and it will work for improving my flexibility and general stretching which is what I want it for.  I've discovered that I have weak/tight hip flexors that cause me a lot of grief when I do any moderate level of cardio, so I'm going to focus on some strength and flexibility training for a bit before trying to push the cardio.  It's so hard for me to get into an exercise routine anyway-- add in a lot of hip pain and I know I just won't ever make it happen so I'm trying to work around it.

Seriously, I am pooped.  I thought exercise was supposed to GIVE you energy.  I call foul on that one.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

No New is Good News?

Saw my band doc yesterday for about 5 minutes.  No fill or unfill-- we're in "wait and see" mode.  Ugh.

He posited a guess that I've had some diaphragm adhesions develop post-surgery and that the pain will go away in time.  Apparently, nothing concerning in my abdomen came up in the CT scan and he doesn't seem inclined to follow up with other tests.  I guess that's fine with me, but I wish I had a more definite answer.  In any case, I'm happy that he wasn't alarmed by my report.  I go back in 6 weeks to check back in and (cross my fingers) get a teensy tiny fill.  I am ready to make some progress again.

Ok, now for another health concern (I swear, I am not normally a hypochondriac!)  Does anyone else have hypertension?  I have NEVER had high blood pressure, but my last three readings over the past week were all high (155/88)!  How does someone go from 293 lbs to 160 lbs and develop high blood pressure AFTER losing the weight?  It's so completely bizarre.  I don't smoke, and I weigh less and am more active than I've been since I was a teenager! Based on some reading I've done, I think I'm going to take the next 6 weeks to my next appt and see if I can lower it without medication by decreasing caffeine and alcohol and increasing my exercise.  My hope is it's just a stress-blip, but who the heck knows.  If it's not back to normal in 6 weeks, I'll go to my PCP and talk medication.  I'd love to hear from anyone who deals with this--what are the implications of managing it with medication?

The good news is that I'm in a size 8 now, wonder of wonders.  It's pretty insane how I haven't lost any weight in months, yet I'm still going down in size.  I love this band, pain or no pain!

Monday, January 9, 2012

Band Complications? I'll keep you posted. . .

I hope you all are enjoying your New Year!

Y'all, I am going to Weight Watchers, but not actually DOING it (as in, not tracking or counting).  Ha!  I think we can all see where the problem might be.  That said, I'm down my Christmas weight and weighing in right 159'ish, which is not the low-low of 155 I've seen, but also right in the same wheel house as the last four months.

I see my band doctor tomorrow.  Actually, I was sitting in his exam room Thursday after a two-hour wait (his office is so overbooked every.single.time) when he was called into an emergency surgery. . . and I didn't actually get to see him. I mean, I couldn't be upset-- emergencies happen.  But when they tried to reschedule me for two weeks from that day because they were booked solid in the meantime, I gave them bitch brow and said they could fit me in on Tuesday, thank you very much.  I mean, it's not like I don't wait for hours even when I have an appointment months in advance, so it's no difference to me and I really don't care if it creates an overbook for them.  They OBVIOUSLY don't have a problem with that. Besides, I really do need to be seen and I haven't seen him since September.

At the end of November, I had a really sharp bad pain in my left chest area- about where the underwire of my bra hits. (of course, a week after I cancelled my November appt and rebooked for last Thursday, their first available appointment).  It went away after a few hours (after I stupidly didn't go to the ER), but then it came back here and there, less sharply  and more nagging and uncomfortable, until it really geared up last week to a pretty constant low-grade  state.  So when I was at his office on Thursday, I thought I'd finally get some answers as I've been assuming it's my band.  My self-diagnosis is reflux that doesn't feel like reflux, but of course I'm terrified it's erosion. Well, it kind of got worse Thursday and Friday after my appointment-interuptus, so I decided to FINALLY go to urgent care.  The urgent care doc was concerned about a blood clot in my lungs, as the pain I was experiencing was consistent with that and I have a genetic risk for developing them, but as a lapband patient himself (same surgeon, too), he also suspected it was my band.  He had a similar pain after losing his first chunk of weight and was told it was because the fat padding of the stomach had gone down and the band was now rubbing on other things internally-- he suggested a slight unfill might help. (ACK!  I need a fill, not an unfill!).  So anyway, today I had a CT scan to rule out the lung clot (came back clean, btw), and they did an abdomen scan as well.  They said everything was normal, so I'm interested to see what band-doc says tomorrow.

I just hope and pray it isn't anything major with my band.  I NEED my band.  I can deal with the discomfort of the pain if I know it isn't a sign of something serious, but I also don't want to ignore something that could potentially get worse.

Anyway, I'll let you know how it goes once I have the semblance of an answer.