That pretty much sums up my mood today. I'm just not feeling it-- "it" being everything. I actually left my house this morning PLANNING to stop at Burger King and get a croissant breakfast sandwich because I was feeling defeated. I didn't-- I was able to fairly easily talk myself out of it once I got in the car, but this was a prime example of emotional eating at its finest.
I have been consuming empty calories in the form of wine every day for two weeks. I went out with the girls last night and ate too much Greek food (which included saganaki, salad, and shrimp tsepi-- at least I didn't eat the pita, only the inside), stuffing myself silly.
At said dinner, which was a birthday dinner for two friends (we all work together), one birthday girl (M) picked a fight with the second birthday girl (A) right at the end. M had already managed to make me feel like shit by completely denigrating work I do (writing book chapters instead of publishing journal articles in my field is "less than", which I know, but I really didn't need her going on about what a joke they are and how it makes her respect people less when I'm sitting right there). Then she picked the fight as we were almost ready to leave. I won't go into details, but basically, A has been doing some work with M but A has gotten a new job and has had to pull back a little-- M doesn't think it's fair for various reasons.
I absolutely know this sequence of events is why I feel bleh today. M is "new" to our group in the last two years and though I had my doubts about her early on, I've pushed past that and welcomed her with open arms. But last night made me realize-- I don't think I like her very much as a person. I think she acts too young for her 29 years, that she is selfish and rude, and that she has an ego that is completely out of line with her actual abilities.
I'm sort of sad to lose a friend, and I'm not sure how to act since we work together and I see her every day. Maybe I shouldn't write her off-- it would be more mature and reasonable to have a frank conversation with her, I think, but I also think that would only change how she acts around us and I've discovered I am just not a fan of the person she is underneath it all. When she lets loose and really shows her true colors, I consistently find her arrogant and close-minded.
So anyway, today is a struggle and it's only 9:30 a.m. But I clearly know WHY I'm feeling what I am-- maybe that will help me stay mindful of my eating and my urges to eat gross fast food to comfort myself :)
I wish you all a much more pleasant Friday!