Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Wednesday Confessions

* I can't stand my mother's husband. I mean, I really loathe him. So when she called and said he can't come with her to visit this summer after all, I literally did a happy dance.

* I take my national licensing exam on Monday. I think I'm ready, but I do plan to spend the weekend cramming.

* I take my state exam on Friday. I have not studied for it. I am so cocky that I think I'll be fine looking over the material tomorrow night. If I whine later because I failed, don't give me any sympathy.

* I have gotten super comfortable with 175 on the scale over the past week. I have started imagining what it would be like to just stay here. This is not a good thing. My BMI is *barely* under 30. I would have to gain about 5 lbs in order to qualify for lap-band surgery all over again. That's crazy to think about.

* Looking at myself now, it's hard for me to imagine WHY someone who "only" has a BMI of 30 or 31 would EVER get WLS. It's short-sighted and judgmental, and it's all about perspective- so if you're a low-BMI'er, please realize that I know this is my issue and not about you at all. My 29 BMI seems tiny and healthy to me because, in comparison to a 48, it is. But objectively, I'm still carrying around too much extra weight that will put me at risk for developing Very Bad Diseases. It's just so hard to remember that when I look at how far I've come.

* Summer teaching puts me in a bad mental place when it comes to food. For the past 4 summers, I have followed each 6 hour teaching day with a stop at a fast food place on the way home, where I binged, and then followed it with a 2-3 hour nap, at which point I'd get up and eat dinner. This summer I have made sure to take a protein bar for breakfast and some lunch for my 30-minute break between classes (today it was a few slices of pepperoni, a tomato/cuc/moz salad, and a slice of cantaloupe). That is PLENTY of food. But I'm so conditioned that when I got done at 2:30, I was ravenously hungry even though I already ate. I did manage to resist the pull of an ice cream cone and go home, but once here I had a few chips with salsa as a snack. On a normal day, I would not have been hungry but these summer teaching days are crazy hard-wired in my brain or something. I just hope I get through the next two weeks without a gain.

*I am pretty geeky when it comes to my entertainment. I was a big Buffy fan back in the day, and then my love turned to Battlestar Galactica, and now I have it bad for Game of Thrones & True Blood. I read any crappy paranormal romance book I can get my hands on, including Twilight (blech).

*I'm pretty sure that my exercise push was yet another short-lived and failed attempt at getting into a habit. Maybe this was just a bad time for me to try to start, but really, when is a good time when you're just not that into it compared to other ways you could be spending time? Perhaps I will get there someday, but this week will not be the week.


  1. Hey your comment on the foot tat. MANY artists won't guarantee feet tats...mostly because people don't take care of them. Your foot will hurt and it will likely swell and so that's why I only get tats on my feet in the summer and I never ever cover them with a sock or shoe for at least a week or more. Good luck.

  2. Sending good vibes and prayers for you while you're taking both exams! Keep us posted!!

    I am very much looking forward to a BMI of 30 - I get what you're saying... And good luck getting through these next few weeks!

  3. EXAMS! Yuck! Good luck!

    I have not seen one episode of True Blood. My friends all say that when I watch it I will be hooked. I figure I will get the series at some point...But like Paranormal Romance too! Hee!

    Hope you are well my friend. I really need to get back into exercising myself. To bad we can't take a yoga class together!

  4. You will ace your exams. I'm sure of it.

    I love True Blood. I can't wait for this season to start. I am ready to get my fill of Eric.

  5. I LOVE BUFFY! Also, I'm pretty sure I have an inappropriate crush on Robert Patterson. Never read the books but damn that kid is hot!

    I'm proud of you for recognizing the pattern you have with your summer classes and fast food. It sounds like you're taking steps to break the cycle. Even if you have a snack once you get home, try to make it a healthy one. A few more days and the yearning to stop on your way home will probably dissipate.

  6. Mmm, True Blood and Game of Thrones are two of my FAVORITE shows, and I love the books, too. LOL I guess we're junkies together.

    And I never really used to understood why low BMI bandsters bothered either, but I think of it this way... maybe if I had gotten the surgery when I was where I am now 4 years ago (215-ish), I wouldn't have gotten up to an all time high of 273 lbs. Just where my mind goes. :)

  7. Love this post! Your comments about BMI perspective are so spot on.

    Plus, I love, love, love Game of Thrones and True Blood. That reminds me that I need to catch up on GoT this weekend!!

  8. Lyla - best of luck to you on Monday and next Friday! I'm sure you're going to do just fine!!
    And hey - what I'd like to know is - how do such great men come from such bi*&chy mothers? I cannot stand my MIL either and after an especially ridiculous moment of drama on her part - I realized that I simply did not care anymore. It didn't matter what I did, said, tried to do differently, tried to appease, she was always going to find drama and try to make me part of it. Well, now that I don't care - its such a load off. I think it even puts her off that she can't tick me off anymore. I simply could care less what tantrum or fit she tries to pull. I just go about my business and treat her like the 2 yr old who throws a fit looking for attention. Its liberating! LOL.

  9. Sending you good mojo and vibes for your exams! you'll do GREAT! :)