No Exercise = Swimsuit Drama

Weigh-in this morning: 188.4.

It's the next-to-last week in the Spring Challenge, but I suspect this will be my low point. I will be in Vegas for a girl's weekend next weekend before the final weigh-in, so I'll be lucky if I hold steady and don't gain. Very lucky.

I enjoy doing the challenges. I will never win one, but I have fun with them and I like that my entry fee goes to someone who has worked their band super hard and has seen great losses.

I haven't done any exercise for 3 weeks. I suck. I have a treadmill and spin bike in my house, I have $3 Zumba classes 10 minutes away, and I have 4 yoga classes paid for and ready to go to as soon as I make myself go. I skipped my last 3 belly dancing classes, mostly because I just wasn't that into it. But I do love the Zumba and the yoga, so my lack of activity is all about me being lazy when it comes to exercise.

I think my goal for this summer is going to be to get into a steady exercise routine. I mostly want to do this because, in complete honesty, I hate the way my body is so jiggly. It has little to do with health, or even weight loss, but is all about the vanity.

Yesterday this really hit home again when I put on my bathing suit to enjoy some sun. And it still doesn't fit! It's a new tankini in size 14. I'm wearing smaller clothes than that now, so I don't understand why the tankini top still rides up so much and the bottoms roll down at the waist.

Well, that's a lie-- I do know why. My freaking belly! I knew, going into this, that I was going to have to have a tummy tuck at the end but I have to admit that I still find it incredibly demoralizing to be making all of this progress but still have to deal with my double-decker belly. The top roll bothers me the most in regular clothes, but put a swimsuit on me and they both make an unsightly appearance.

I was whining to my husband last night and I asked him what the heck I was going to do if my new suits didn't fit me properly by July when we go to the DR. And he said, "they will, and if they don't, you'll buy one that does fit".

Duh.

It was a nice reality check in the face of my emerging insecurity.

Sometimes, I think I liked my body image better when I was fat and didn't give a crap how I looked in a swimsuit.

Anyway, it looks for sure like summer 2012 will be spent picking up extra summer classes so I can earn the money for my much-needed tummy tuck after all. Because I just don't think I'll be one of those people who can be happy just looking better in regular clothes.