Bye Bye, Comfy Pants

Today I had to stop and buy a new pair of pants, because the ones I was wearing would not stay on my hips and my underwear are saggy enough I was afraid the pants would stage a revolt and take the panties with them.

I am bummed, because those were some comfy pants- as you can imagine.

I Zumba'd again yesterday and it kicked my butt-- talk about being sore. But I still love it.

Hockey, Opera, Zumba, & Belly Dancing

Y'all, I was a lazy fat person. And not in the sense that all I did was sit on the couch and eat (I hate that stereotype), but in the sense that I got into a decade long rut where I never wanted to try new things when the comfort of my own home was calling. Even things that I used to enjoy during my college and grad school years, like going to concerts, were mostly cut out. An example: I had Death Cab for Cutie tickets four years ago now and on the day of, I just decided I didn't feel like going so I stayed home. Those were not cheap tickets and I've always regretted it, and though that was the most expensive example it is not the only time it happened.

Part of it was a lack of energy. Part of it was ennui. Part of it was that I do genuinely enjoy alone time. And certainly, part of it was social anxiety brought on by obesity. I hated going to places where there was seating, squeezing into the seat and sitting thigh to thigh with a stranger. So I stopped doing much outside my house.

Well, part of my pledge to myself as I become healthier and more full of energy is to live more, and experience more. So I'm going to be posting about those things in the blog to document them.

December 2010:
Hockey: I went to a hockey game with my husband. We hadn't been to one in years. We got "club" tickets and got free food and drink for 2 hours before the game until the time the game ended, and I was a model bandster. It was great fun, and though the seats were still a little close for my liking I honestly think it's a matter of the seats and not a matter of my size (everyone was packed like sardines).




January 2011

Opera: Last night I went to my first opera performance (it was Faust). I LOVED it. It was a great show, I felt great in my pretty opera clothes, and best of all I was seated in the middle of the row and had all the room in the world. The ONLY problem is that I have twice now noticed (the other time at a movie theater) that my tailbone really hurts after sitting for a while now. I'm contemplating whether I need to bring a special butt pillow to these things from now on :)

Zumba: I went to my first Zumba class today! It was a struggle to make myself go-- I was sure I was going to be embarrassed, incompetent, and uncomfortable. But I made myself go, just to try it once, and it was amazing. I can't wait to go back.

Belly Dancing: Ok, I'm terrified of this, but on Groupon there was a deal for 6 Belly Dancing classes for $35 and I bought it. Yes, I think this is a little crazy. I am NOT a dancer, have never taken a dance class (other than Zumba today), and to top it off, my belly is disgusting. It's less the size (although it is big) and more that the skin itself is just shot to all hell. I am assuming that in these classes, I am going to have to eventually expose my belly. But I've always been fascinated with the technique, I want to find a way to build some core strength without having to do boring exercises, and I'm in the season of trying new things. So I've made a deal with myself that I'll at least go once and try, even if I never go back to use the remainder of my lessons.


Weighed in this morning at 209 on the dot. Life is good.

Vacation-Related NSV

After days of research and comparison shopping, I just booked our summer vacation to Punta Cana. The pic is from the resort we're staying at. I am both excited and also a little nauseous about plunking down the chunk of change all at once. I've checked and double-checked, but I'm still paranoid that I put in the wrong dates, or spelled one of our names wrong, or did something else stupid that I can't change. Hello Anxiety! Now I have to wait until July :) But it will be a nice reward for finishing the spring and summer semester teaching.

One of the things that I did when I booked was reserve myself into the middle airplane seat on two of the flights. This is fairly monumental. Up until now, I have always made my husband take the middle seat, while I preferred the aisle, where frankly I could hang over all I wanted until the beverage cart came through. The window was ok, but the middle seat was a nightmare of self-consciousness and discomfort as I tried to make myself smaller than I was for the sake of my aisle-mates. My husband commented that he was looking forward to getting the aisle seat now that I've lost weight, and so even though no matter what I weigh I'm not going to love the middle seat, I know that now I can sit there more comfortably. So I put myself in it and reserved him the aisle :)

I also ordered 3 new swimsuits from LandsEnd that were on clearance (with an additional 30% off and free shipping, I paid less than $70 for three suits). It was sort of a crap shoot, because I'm not sure what size I'll be in by this summer, but the deals were too good not to take a chance. The one I'm most unsure about is the size 16 top, which will fit me now but will probably be too big then-- I'm hoping because it's swimsuit material and I have large breasts that being too big won't be an issue/largely unnoticeable. The other two tops I ordered in a 14. I ordered the bottoms in 12 because I typically go down in size on the bottom before the top (see previous mention of big boobs). We'll see when they come in, since I can always return what won't work.

In any case, I think I will be slightly smaller on this trip than I was during our honeymoon 11 years ago. I'm pretty sure I was in 14/16 clothes, which is where I am right now. I have become pretty comfortable parading around in a bathing suit in public since we are beach-type people-- I just don't worry about it. It's weird, but I'm really hoping I'm not more self-conscious now. Now hear me out. At 270-290 pounds, there was no sense in worrying about what I looked like in a swimsuit. It just wasn't pretty, period, so I got over it. But smaller, I hope I don't suddenly put pressure on myself-- you know, like oh my boobs look great, but look at how fat my thighs are! There are times when I put pressure on myself to look better now because I DO look better now. Does that make sense?

A College Degree Just Ain't What it Used to Be

Today, a study hit the news about how 45% of university students don't learn anything in their first two years of college (no improvement over high school) and this was attributed to the fact that they spend about 16% of their time in class and on classwork, and 52% of their time "socializing". And yet the average grade "earned" in a class is a B.

As a college professor, I sadly believe this. What totally chaps my ass, though, is that when it comes time to evaluate a class they bitch and moan about the work required while at the same time admitting that they didn't really do any of it/did the bare minimum. And then they complain about getting a "C" (which frankly, is just grade inflation of the type of work that deserves a D or failing grade). I am quickly becoming bitter, I have to admit.

Things I am not bitter about: The 1 cc fill has kicked in! I had an episode during lunch where I was sure I was going to be stuck for the first time-- I was at home alone so I engaged in some burping behavior that was very unladylike but moved it through. And I wasn't overeating-- I was just full up I guess. For dinner, I picked the toppings off a slice of veggie pizza and was full full full.

I hit 210.2 during my post-fill liquid diet, but was 211.4 this morning after a weekend back on food. Still, that's a 4 lb loss in a week. WHOO!

Yoga Challenge- Wanna?

My friend and I are doing this: 21-Day Yoga Challenge .

I'm looking forward to some increased flexibility, and maybe some increased strength/support for my lower back.

I haven't been exercising in the months since surgery. We bought a treadmill, I got Zumba for my Wii for Christmas. . . and I just haven't made myself do it. I've never been someone who enjoys exercise for exercise sake-- I was an athlete in high school and college and exercise obviously was a part of that but once my team sports ended, I wasn't interested. Even when I'm more fit, I have to force myself to do it, and I just don't ever believe I'll be someone who *likes* it or looks forward to it. But the friend that I'm doing this with is super fit and she's just the right person to "challenge" me. I'm actually really going to do it and you all are free to join us!

Vegas, Baby.

I have bought my ticket to Vegas for a girl's weekend in April and I'm stoked! My goal is to lose 20 lbs by then so that I am in "onederland" (I feel like a total tool, typing that). We are planning a cocktail dress-worthy night out, so I'm looking forward to a new size and a new dress by then.

Woo, got fill #2 today-- 1 cc added to the 1.5 I had before. I think I have 2.5 in a 10cc band. Yeah, it's not much but it's doing the trick, trickster.

When we were discussing whether or not to do a fill (he was happy with my weight loss), he asked "how many bites" can I eat. I'm all, "Bites? I'm supposed to be counting bites? Let's talk bigger quantities here, doc."

So yeah, I am not a model patient apparently- hahaha!

I weighed in at 215.2 on my home scale, nekkid, and 220.0 on the doc's scale fully dressed (with my awesome new Calvin Klein snakeskin heels). I figured out that my home scale is about 1.5 lbs lower than the doc's scale, but since it's with me everyday, I'm sticking with it to track goals.

"How you doin'?"

Oh, ladies- how about that male gaze? The Joey smirk as he checks you out? I seem to have reached the point where I am suddenly visible to strange men again. Ick. Except at the Starbucks counter, where it got me really fast service. It took me a second to realize he was flirting though. I'm so out of practice.

I'm days away from TOM, so once again it is time for me to have a sudden drop in weight. My body is so weird, but I was stoked to see 116.8 on the scale this morning-- almost 3 lbs in a week. I'll bounce around this weight for the next three weeks, but it's sort of nice to be able to time weight loss based on my period. Do you think it's because I'm on the pill? I notice a drop in weight when I'm not taking it during the "dead" week, and the good news is that I don't gain it back when I'm back on the active pills.

Tomorrow is my anniversary (married 11 years), but we're going out tonight to celebrate. This is where we're going for dinner. I get a fill next week, but I'm glad to be nice and loose tonight :)

Gimlets. . . the diet drink of champions

Today I'm dehydrated, but dehydrated in the 2teens so it was worth it. I chalk my 1 lb drop up to the two gimlets I partook of last night (polished off my Tanqueray Ten in the process), and possibly the very dramatic body movements I made as I sang Bohemian Rhapsody about 10 times on Rock Band.

We spent Christmas with my husband's family out-of-state, which is our tradition. My mil is. . . very excited about my weight loss and was overly concerned with my diet in the best of food police tradition. No matter how many times I, and my husband, have told her I can eat normal foods, she made comments over and over again about how she got me celery (yuck!) and carrots to snack on and fat free salad dressing. . . and did I remember there was fat free salad dressing? I do not eat fat free salad dressing, by the way, because it's gross. I absolutely know it came from a good place, and her concern with what I could eat was influenced a lot by the fact that she has been on a very strict low-fat diet for the past year because of high cholesterol, with very good results. But occasionally I was a little annoyed, like when on Christmas night I cut myself a tiny tiny sliver of coconut creme pie and she made a comment about how I should just remember the size I'm in now and let that be my motivation to not have dessert.

I just smiled and enjoyed the hell out of that pie.

Anyway, I didn't make my goal of 218 by the end of the year, but I did achieve 219 so I'm happy happy happy. That's 74 lbs down from my high.

Happy New Year to everyone!