Sunday, November 14, 2010
The Great Cookie Conundrum
Yesterday, in my excitement over hitting the under-230 mark, I babbled about weight loss with my husband. Kinda like a teenage girl. He humored me well. One of the things that came up was the upcoming holidays and my worries that I would get stuck with weight loss. Maybe even, *gasp*, gain. See, this time last year I had taken off a modest 30'ish lbs doing Atkins in the summer and had kept it off, not doing Atkins, in the fall. This was during my pre-op supervised diet and I had just found out (after completing it), that my work plan specifically prohibited WLS. Big downer. But, I kept it off.
Until Christmas, when I began the not so slow process of gaining it all back.
Dun, dun, dun.
See, at Christmas, I bake sugar cookies. Big, fat, cookie-cutter sugar cookies with buttercream icing. Lots of it. We like it thick around here (that's what she said). I can't even find a picture online that adequately reflects the icing to cookie ratio of my cookies.
These are my husbands favorite things EVER. He seriously will eat a dozen a day if I let him. (Aside: Tell me how it's fair that he isn't overweight-- you should see what he can do to a box of Krispy Kremes). So I find it hard to imagine that I will deny him the pleasure of sugar cookies this year just because I can't have them.
This hits at my big mental block with weight loss: the unfairness of denying myself life's pleasures. See, I know that I put too much emphasis on food as a my primary life pleasure-- I get it. That's why I'm obese. But sometimes it is really hard for me to care. I don't get equating eating good tasting food with some immorality or personal failure. I don't think fat people are failures at life and there is part of me that says I'm going to die of something, so why not obesity?
YEAH, I KNOW.
Clearly, when I made the decision to get the band, I decided that I was going to force myself to find *other* life pleasures. Honestly, I think I'm failing at that right now. I've been busier than usual with work and I find myself, when I'm not working, just sleeping or getting ready to sleep. This blog is as big I hobby as I have at the moment. Shopping for clothes probably comes in a big second, and honestly, I need to cut that out for a while.
This entire process is 90% a mental battle, and 10% a battle with the body. Can I make it through this holiday season without binging on sugar cookies, or potatoes of death (my name for scalloped potatoes- hello butter, cream, and cheese)? Yes I can. I've had holidays before during my life when I "dieted" and denied myself. But will I go the rest of my life like that? Nope. So I've got to figure out how to make this time different.
In perhaps related news, I get my second fill this week. Maybe once my band kicks in this will feel different than the usual diet.