Yesterday, in my excitement over hitting the under-230 mark, I babbled about weight loss with my husband. Kinda like a teenage girl. He humored me well. One of the things that came up was the upcoming holidays and my worries that I would get stuck with weight loss. Maybe even, *gasp*, gain. See, this time last year I had taken off a modest 30'ish lbs doing Atkins in the summer and had kept it off, not doing Atkins, in the fall. This was during my pre-op supervised diet and I had just found out (after completing it), that my work plan specifically prohibited WLS. Big downer. But, I kept it off.
Until Christmas, when I began the not so slow process of gaining it all back.
Dun, dun, dun.
See, at Christmas, I bake sugar cookies. Big, fat, cookie-cutter sugar cookies with buttercream icing. Lots of it. We like it thick around here (that's what she said). I can't even find a picture online that adequately reflects the icing to cookie ratio of my cookies.
These are my husbands favorite things EVER. He seriously will eat a dozen a day if I let him. (Aside: Tell me how it's fair that he isn't overweight-- you should see what he can do to a box of Krispy Kremes). So I find it hard to imagine that I will deny him the pleasure of sugar cookies this year just because I can't have them.
This hits at my big mental block with weight loss: the unfairness of denying myself life's pleasures. See, I know that I put too much emphasis on food as a my primary life pleasure-- I get it. That's why I'm obese. But sometimes it is really hard for me to care. I don't get equating eating good tasting food with some immorality or personal failure. I don't think fat people are failures at life and there is part of me that says I'm going to die of something, so why not obesity?
YEAH, I KNOW.
Clearly, when I made the decision to get the band, I decided that I was going to force myself to find *other* life pleasures. Honestly, I think I'm failing at that right now. I've been busier than usual with work and I find myself, when I'm not working, just sleeping or getting ready to sleep. This blog is as big I hobby as I have at the moment. Shopping for clothes probably comes in a big second, and honestly, I need to cut that out for a while.
This entire process is 90% a mental battle, and 10% a battle with the body. Can I make it through this holiday season without binging on sugar cookies, or potatoes of death (my name for scalloped potatoes- hello butter, cream, and cheese)? Yes I can. I've had holidays before during my life when I "dieted" and denied myself. But will I go the rest of my life like that? Nope. So I've got to figure out how to make this time different.
In perhaps related news, I get my second fill this week. Maybe once my band kicks in this will feel different than the usual diet.
I think the key is to enjoy but in moderation. The band helps the moderation part because honestly I get stuck by my vice foods like "thick chewy bread, pizza crust, baked goods"...I think you will be fine. But part of the fine is to let yourself have a little and enjoy it thoroughly and slowly. I've enjoyed food much more post band because I'm selective about what I eat and I eat slowly.
ReplyDeleteIts hard to medicate with food by gorging like I used to because I get a big slap in the hand (throat) with a PB or intense pain.
Love hearing your thoughts.
With good restriction you can have Potatoes of Death... but only a limited amound. Cookies??? well, they tend to go down pretty easy. (I guess this is why I'm a die-hard calorie counter - in addition to letting the band work for me - I track most everything that goes into my mouth and I really have to consider if that soft pumpkin cookie is really worth 140 calories... or 1/10 of my daily allotment.) That said, I don't deny myself. I choose.
ReplyDeleteMake the cookies. I have an annual baking day with my sisters and nieces so we mix up gastly amounts of sweets. But we are cutting a bit this year. My hubby gets all sweet when I make his fav fruit cookies. I will say, with the band, the desire to eat 2 dozen cookies vanishes. Trust in the band. And don't make any goals of losing over the holidays, maintaining a weight through the parties and food is ok too. This is NOT a diet. And you are so right about the mental side of things. Probably why diets don't work. For some reason the diets never included all the cookies I could scarf down in a sitting.
ReplyDeleteHope your fill is a good one.
Let them eat cookies!!!! :) I do not know if the band works this way with everyone but...BUT...I have now had two Christmases with the band and I Have eaten, nibbled and enjoyed anything that I wanted to. The band forced me to eat a little bit (and believe me it was hard mentally) but I had a couple (or few) cookies. and even the sugar with frosting kind (we are big on those babies too!). I had Jewel cookies, I had British chocolate, I had mac and cheese for Christmas eve, I had turkey and gravy and sweet potatoes and even pumpkin pie..but..I had a little bit here and there. I ate off a small plate...I spaced those cookies out and I ate them s-l-o-w-l-y.
ReplyDeleteI didn't lose a lot of weight over those Christmases but I did lose at each and every one of them. I also did not follow the holiday food fests with an off the wagon attitude (that is totally what I did before the band).
Good luck with the holiday baking and the weight-loss brain-work.
xxxooo