Ode to Granny Panties

Yesterday, Gilly posted about getting rid of the granny panties and it seemed like you all were very excited for her.

Well, I have to say: I Love Granny Panties




I have lost enough that I can now wear bikinis or hipters, and I've bought a few pairs. Let me tell you-- I hate them. The only thing they have going for them is that, admittedly, they make my badonkadonk look pretty good.

Granny Panties are awesome because:

-They're so roomy, they feel like wearing nothing.

-They cover the stomach (and now, since I have really huge granny panties after losing 70 lbs, I could probably pull them up to my boobs).

-The way they fit with full coverage, they typically don't leave noticeable panty lines. Of course don't raise your shirt at all, because they're probably sticking out of the top of your pants.

-You can tuck your shirt into them. No, I'm serious. I often wear "spanx" like tank tops under my shirts to smooth out the rumbles and rolls and if I just tuck 'em into my jeans, they inevitably pull up and out. But tuck it into the granny panties, and that sucker stays put.

I love them. I will probably wear them until they get so big they won't fit in my clothes. I MIGHT switch to high-cut briefs one of these days but that's about as far as I plan to go on non-sexy days.

Come on, ladies. Give the grannies a little love.

Holiday Challenge- The End

Well, my loss isn't going to win me anything but I can't find it in me to care. I still have 3 lbs to lose before New Year's to meet my very modest goal of 218, but considering it is beyond clear that I need a fill in the worst way, I'm happy with my slow but steady loss. (Fill is scheduled for the first week in January-- soonest I can do it because of travel).

So, my starting weight was:



And my ending weight is:



(Please ignore the shadows-- I promise I am wearing underwear.)

On a related note, look at those feet! I am clearly not going to be one of you "losers" who ends up in a smaller shoe size. My right foot is very stubbornly holding onto a size 9 (my left foot would always prefer a 8.5, but sacrifices for the right foot).

ETA: Oh! As of this morning, I am now over halfway to my goal! 72lbs lost, 71 to go!

No, I'm not going to "analyze" you.

At my last visit in November, my surgeon brought up the possibility of me doing psych evals for his pre-surgery patients, and perhaps being involved in some support group activities for post-surgery. They've had some issues with their out-of-house evaluators and really want to bring someone "in house" to help streamline the process and give more continuous care to patients.

He must be serious, because his nutritionist and now his office manager have called me about it and asked that I keep in touch concerning my availability.

I'm actually really excited about the opportunity. I think it's something that I would enjoy doing, and not only that, be good at. As a WLS patient myself, I can probably be a good resource to patients(of course, being careful to keep it professional and not about me). I would do this on a part-time consulting basis-- I have no intention of leaving my current job.

All that said, I have to wait until my state license to practice comes through. I've not really had a lot of time since I moved here to see patients since I already have a full time job teaching, but I'd already started the process of getting licensed here before this talk-- now I just have incentive :) It will probably be a good 4 months out still as it is a slow and laborious process. First you have to get approved to take the test (by a full meeting of the board), then you have to take the test and they have to meet on your results-- and oh yeah, they only meet one time every two months. I had two letter writers who took forever to get in their reference letters, so the board has had my application since September but won't look at it until their January meeting. And that's just the first step. . .

Anyway, I'm looking forward to this. And of course I have to admit-- I will really like the extra money.

Same Song, Different Verse

The Big P, Aunt Flo, the Crimson Tide (haha- Bama fans will be offended), or whatever you want to call it. . .

losing weight jacks it up, am I right?

Can I get an Amen!?

For the past couple of months since surgery, I have been taking Lortab on days one and two of my period for cramping since ibuprofen is a no-go. During that time I've also had horrible headaches. I concluded last month that it must be the Lortab giving me a headache that just won't go away since it was so coincidentally something I started at the same time the headaches popped up. Poor narcotic-- taking the blame for what I have now determined is just a lovely new side effect of the shedding of my uterine lining. Today there was no Lortab but there is still a horrible headache that won't go away.

This is new for me. I do not like it.

Another bizarre side effect is that I always weigh less on day one and two of my period. I can now count on a drop on the scales when AF comes to town. Today I saw the number 221.6. This, after a night out at a James Beard award-winning restaurant where I not only ate band and taste-bud friendly red snapper, but also shared their homemade gourmet donuts with my husband. Oh, and let's not forget the wine.

I guarantee it will be a while before I see that 221 again, 's all I'm sayin'.

Tale of the Crazy Scale

On Sunday I cleaned my bathroom.

Exciting news, I know. In the process, I jostled my scale around, cleaned it, leaned it on its side, etc.

On Monday, I got on the scale and had gained 5 lbs overnight.

Imagine me flipping out. I put myself on protein shakes all day (doing it again today). I vowed to call to schedule a fill before my next appt in January.

I got on the scale this morning and I was down that 5 lbs plus another lb.

The moral of this story: Don't clean your bathroom. You might break your scale.

Let it be said: It was hard to find a non-dirty picture to express the sentiment below

Actually having followers to my blog now has made me reluctant to journal the hum-drum, everyone goes through it stuff. . . but I decided that is stupid, so here we are.

I'm stuck at 225, since Thanksgiving, and it's not one of those times when I've been doing everything right so I know it will come off in one big swoop if I just give it another day or two. It's one of those times that I'm not losing because I'm eating enough to maintain, but not gain and certainly too much to lose. Case in point: last night I ate 3, that's three, small to medium pieces of thin crust pizza for dinner. I had heartburn and regretted it all night, both physically and psychologically, but it was enough to wake me up for the moment and make me promise myself to get back on track.

So, I'll be back to journaling today as a first step so that I pay attention to what I'm eating and my portion sizes.

I really, really, really want to lose 10 lbs by the end of December. I don't know why, other than if I can keep up a steady 10 lbs a month that would be amazing-- at least until I'm under 200.

Weigh In Day

Post-Thanksgiving Weigh In. . . .

225.8

That's what I weighed Thanksgiving morning and I've held steady these past three days. Considering how (and what) I've been eating, I'll take it gladly without complaint. I think that puts me down 9lbs since the start of the challenge.


So, on Facebook today, I looked through some pictures of a friend of mine who had bypass early this year. Amazing! I'm very happy for her. It does make me happy that people actually have choices today and that the right surgery for my friend might not be the right surgery for me, etc.

As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly. . .

My husband and I live several states away from our families, and since he has to work pretty much the whole weekend every year, we never go "home". So Thanksgiving is just the two of us, and is very often unconventional since we aren't about to do a Turkey for two (and I'm not a humongous fan of turkey anyway). Last year we made linguine carbonara. This year we are doing more traditional than usual, with a small sliced ham, potatoes of death, pumpkin pie, and rolls. I'll probably have a little of everything but the bread.

I'm sure there will be football on at the house. There is no escaping it. But, I also make sure to always watch my own Thanksgiving television favorites. Here they are to share with you:

Friends-- The One Where Ross Got High has the funniest 30-seconds on television in my opinion. There's food that tastes like feet and Jacques Cousteau, and I absolutely love it.

WKRP in Cincinnati- Turkey Drop . Hilarious, that's all.

Things I'm Thankful For:

A great marriage to a man who is my best friend
My puppy dergs
I have a job when so many people don't
I have a standing job offer, so there's always a "next thing" just in case
I'm healthy and getting healthier every day


I hope all of you have a great day tomorrow, I really do. Don't be too hard on yourselves, no matter what.

Tricksy, Tricksy Exercise

So, I'm taking a page out of Joey's book, and I'm going to trick myself into exercising by setting an Apple product as my reward.

I've wanted to switch from PC to Mac for a while. I can't decide if I want a MacBook or an iMac, but either way, I'm going to make myself EARN that sucker rather than just paying for it. I have a feeling I'm going to need to save my cash for a tummy tuck eventually anyway ;)

So here's my plan: For every mile of exercise, I earn $2. That should require, at bare minimum, 500 miles of exercise.

Since my biggest issue since surgery is shear laziness when it comes to moving my ass, this seems like a good bargain to make with myself. I bought a really nice LiveStrong treadmill-- my husband uses it several times a week but I haven't stepped on it in a good month. For Christmas I bought him a spinning bike, so that treadmill is going to be lonely if I don't get my butt on it. I think this incentive might do the trick.

Holiday Challenge weigh in today: I am at 227.4, and I'm happy enough with that considering the half-bottle of wine I drank last night.

Just Call Me Support Group Sally

In about an hour I'll be heading off to my second support group of the week.

This week, my doc's office had their support group and I went to it for the first time. I didn't say much, but I found it pretty helpful. We had someone come from Bariatric Advantage to do a vitamin talk.

Confession: I do not regularly take my vitamins. It took me two months to get through a 30 day supply of multivitamins. Ahem. Bad, bad bandster.

So, support group got me recommitted to doing my supplements. I will be so embarrassed if I get my first set of post-op blood work back and I have earned a vitamin lecture.

Today's support group is actually the one I've been to before, and it's with another surgeon's (in a different hospital!) practice. They say it's open to anyone, but last time the nurse who serves as the coordinator looked less than welcoming. The people were great though, and they are having a plastic surgeon talk about reconstruction of skin after weight loss, so I'm going to brave Nurse Prissy's cold looks and go again. Plus, they have the best RTD protein shakes with 35g of protein that they sell that I haven't been able to find anywhere else.

In other news, my TOM must have done something nice to my band and it's sticking around past TOM. I felt the "no hungry/full on a little" really kick in last week and I'm still there, feeling full on very little food and not hungry between meals. The band, it works in mysterious ways. Now I'm really glad my doc said no fill this last visit.

Finally!

Yesterday I had two experiences:

1. Coworker who I see daily has been bragging to me about her own weight loss and gets in a discussion with me about it. I say that I have also lost weight doing low carb (which is technically true). She asks how much, I demur, she pushes, I tell her 60 pounds. She literally gives me the once over, head to toe, completely surprised. I wanted to laugh but I refrained. I'm not sure she believed me.

2. Last night, I go to a recruiting event to schmooze parents. The Dean of Admissions, whom I've met many many times, introduces herself to me on the way in the door, clearly thinking I was a guest and not a faculty member. I let it go. Later, she walks up to me and profusely apologizes to me because she did not recognize me! She told me I was looking good and I told her she was forgiven. This is literally the first person who has really seemed to see a difference and comment on it, in the most flattering of ways. After my full body once-over earlier, it felt really really good.


I go in for fill #2 this afternoon. I am sort of dreading it. Not that the experience is bad or anything, but I've never had a bad moment with my band (stuck, pain, etc.)and I'm so afraid I'm going to start having these experiences with a tighter band and ruin the good thing I've got going. I am probably eating more than I "should", but I'm steadily losing so as of right now, I feel like I'm ok. I know I will need adjustments to keep losing past a certain point, but I'm unsure if I should leave things well enough alone for now and then get fills when I get to a major plateau, or whether I should just do adjustments now. I will definitely go in today and get a fill, but I think I'll probably just leave it there for a while until I feel like I need a third.

That's my plan, anyway.

Update: No fill after all! He thinks I'm doing fine without it for the moment so my next appt. is in January. I had my first fluoroscopy so I got to see my band and port. Dude, the port is huge! But everything looked good.

Oh, the Pressure

Thanks to the gals who kicked my cookie-loving butt. You're all right. I can have a cookie and still lose. My treacherous brain is defeated for the time being.

So here's a weird health effect of surgery I've never heard of before-- every time I've had my blood pressure taken since surgery, it is higher than average. Today it was 142/86. Yet again, higher than my average pre-surgery bp. And borderline high blood pressure, which I've NEVER had weighing 60lbs more than I do now.

Has anyone else ever heard of this?

No?

Freak of nature, then?

Gotcha.

The Great Cookie Conundrum

Yesterday, in my excitement over hitting the under-230 mark, I babbled about weight loss with my husband. Kinda like a teenage girl. He humored me well. One of the things that came up was the upcoming holidays and my worries that I would get stuck with weight loss. Maybe even, *gasp*, gain. See, this time last year I had taken off a modest 30'ish lbs doing Atkins in the summer and had kept it off, not doing Atkins, in the fall. This was during my pre-op supervised diet and I had just found out (after completing it), that my work plan specifically prohibited WLS. Big downer. But, I kept it off.

Until Christmas, when I began the not so slow process of gaining it all back.


Dun, dun, dun.

See, at Christmas, I bake sugar cookies. Big, fat, cookie-cutter sugar cookies with buttercream icing. Lots of it. We like it thick around here (that's what she said). I can't even find a picture online that adequately reflects the icing to cookie ratio of my cookies.

These are my husbands favorite things EVER. He seriously will eat a dozen a day if I let him. (Aside: Tell me how it's fair that he isn't overweight-- you should see what he can do to a box of Krispy Kremes). So I find it hard to imagine that I will deny him the pleasure of sugar cookies this year just because I can't have them.

This hits at my big mental block with weight loss: the unfairness of denying myself life's pleasures. See, I know that I put too much emphasis on food as a my primary life pleasure-- I get it. That's why I'm obese. But sometimes it is really hard for me to care. I don't get equating eating good tasting food with some immorality or personal failure. I don't think fat people are failures at life and there is part of me that says I'm going to die of something, so why not obesity?

YEAH, I KNOW.

Clearly, when I made the decision to get the band, I decided that I was going to force myself to find *other* life pleasures. Honestly, I think I'm failing at that right now. I've been busier than usual with work and I find myself, when I'm not working, just sleeping or getting ready to sleep. This blog is as big I hobby as I have at the moment. Shopping for clothes probably comes in a big second, and honestly, I need to cut that out for a while.

This entire process is 90% a mental battle, and 10% a battle with the body. Can I make it through this holiday season without binging on sugar cookies, or potatoes of death (my name for scalloped potatoes- hello butter, cream, and cheese)? Yes I can. I've had holidays before during my life when I "dieted" and denied myself. But will I go the rest of my life like that? Nope. So I've got to figure out how to make this time different.

In perhaps related news, I get my second fill this week. Maybe once my band kicks in this will feel different than the usual diet.

New Numbers

Confession: I am a daily weigher. Keeps me on track and so far I'm not obsessive about it-- I don't worry about daily fluctuations as long as they always bounce up *and* down and not just up.

I had my first fill the last week of October-- barely any at all (1.5 in a big band). I went in to my fill around 234 and stayed there until earlier this week. I've finally started dropping again and today was in the 220's (229) for the first time in I don't even remember how long. I couldn't stop beaming-- I don't know what it was about the 220's but it felt like a bit of milestone to me for some reason.

Tomorrow is the official Holiday Challenge weigh in day, but today felt amazing.

Don't Kill the Messenger

I'm tired of thankless jobs. In my line of work, that means administrative committee work.

I hate doing it, but for some reason I'm an admin favorite and I get tapped to serve on all kinds of committees that do nothing but suck my time and energy, all for the pleasure of invariably being the bearer of bad news to my colleagues at large. Or at least that's what you'd think, based on the amount of bitchiness I get thrown back at me.

What I want to do is tell the complainers that I'll happily give up my committee position to them if they think they can do better-- a proposition I can guarantee no one would actually want to take me up on. What I do instead is bite my tongue until it bleeds and placate, placate, placate.

Urgh. Just had to vent.

Revenge of the Back

I spoke too soon yesterday, and my back apparently got pissed. Pissy little bitch, my back. Last night and today it is giving me trouble to the point of flexaril consumption. I'm eying my feet now. They better not try anything on me.

Weight loss is so weird, ya'll. I've been stuck at 234 since my first fill. Today, I get on the scale and I'm 230.8.

This is after last night, when I did my first full-tilt planned cheat. Went to dinner with the girls, had a Swedish Gimlet, some coconut tofu soup, and FRIED calamari. FRIED calamari in sweet and sour sauce, folks. Then I topped it all off with three tiny bites of seven-layer bar.

So apparently my body is just messing with me. I think there's a conspiracy.

**Note on pic: Apparently, only thin attractive naked women have back pain, as these were the only images I could find.


In other news, apparently the world will end in 20 years, brought on by the female species.

Goals

Some of you gals have been posting about goals lately, and you've got me thinking. How dare you!

My surgeon and I have never set a goal weight together-- honestly, I doubt it will happen unless I bring it up. The office is good with requiring aftercare but it is very business-like. In and out kinda stuff-- I probably spend about 5 minutes total time with the medical staff including nurse. But I have spent some time considering my personal weight goals and I've got numbers in mind.

The Numbers

1)Under 200: I've said all along that if I can get under 200 and stay there for the rest of my life, then my health and quality of life will have improved enough that the surgery will have been a great success, even if I stay at 199.

2)170: This is the "I weigh less than my husband" weight, and would be a giddy, yay me goal.

3)150: This is my ultimate "dream" goal-- it would put me in the normal BMI range (just barely, but still!). This one is a little harder to hope for, honestly, but I'll put it down just in case.

4)A NSV-Goal: I'd like to be able to shop in regular stores and be guaranteed that the largest size will always fit me well, even in clothes brands that tend to run smaller.

Good Things Already Accomplished:

1)For the most part, my foot pain (plantar fascitis) is gone.
2)I haven't felt a twinge out of my back for a couple of months!
3)I have grown out of almost all of my pre-surgery pants, in the right direction this time.
4)I actually weigh almost 30 lbs LESS than my driver's license says I do.
5)I haven't eaten fast food in 3 months.
6)Sex (it had to be said, again)

Holiday Challenge Day 1

I'm starting the challenge at 234.8 lbs.



I took my measurements this weekend. Let me say, I'm no tailor. My use of a tape measure is highly suspect. But, definitely seeing some inches gone since August.

Bicep: 15 (-2)
Breasts: 47 (-4)
Ribs (i.e. under boobs): 40 (-6)
Top Roll (i.e. waist): 49 (-4)
Bottom Roll: 50 (no comparison)
Hips: 50 (-6)
Thigh: 27.5 (-2.5)

Sequins & Studs

Bittersweet moment this morning as I was getting ready to go out-- it's finally cold enough for a jacket here and I pulled out my green cordoroy Land's End coat. It's 22W, and last winter it was a touch on the small side so I didn't wear it. Apparently, I won't be wearing it anymore because it's not just too big, it looks too big.

Goodbye, pretty green jacket. (Let me know if you want it- I would love to send it to a good home)




But, hello sequins and studs! Apparently, I was feeling flashy and maybe a little drag today because I came home with two sequined tank tops and a pair of black leather heals with studs in them. (These may not be the first sequined clothes to recently be added to my closet, either. I may be having issues with shiny things. Keep me away from jewelry stores).





My husband noticed that the shirts were 14/16 and made me feel really good with his excitement. I think he realizes how bummed I've been to still be at 234 after my first fill-- weight loss stall and bandster hell extraordinaire.

Thanks Gen!

My many thanks to Gen for bringing all of the new friends my way.

This is for all of you:

On the DL

I think one of my students had WLS. Of course we all know it's not something you just go around asking people, and considering I haven't told many people and am covering my face on pictures so my students don't have easily downloaded fat pics of me (without a face, there's no proof!), it would probably be a bit hypocritical to ask.

But in any case, good for her. She's looking great and she's going to have the energy to go with her vivacious personality.

Keep Your Body Image Issues to Yourself, Maura Kelley

Open and hateful prejudice against fat people is one of the last "safe" bastions of "isms". People who would never feel comfortable airing their dirty prejudices about minority groups still feel really comfortable spouting off about how disgusting and lazy fat people are, all under the guise of health and the cost of insurance and how "they have to pay for it". I'm reminded of this everywhere on the internet, and the comments to this article were no exception.

I remember when Lesley, the blogger at Fatshionista was featured in the Boston Globe, discussing her fat-positive take on life. The comments were filled with people who were plainly just ANGRY that this fat woman DARED to be happy with herself. They insisted that she must deep down hate herself for being fat the way they hated her for being fat, that she was delusional, that she was a drain on the healthcare system (a perfectly healthy fat woman, so far). It was horrifying.

This culture (Western) is obsessed with thinness in an unhealthy way. This culture tries to use the issue of health as a thinly veiled excuse to hate on fat people-- I mean really, how many of us really believe that the hateful people are really concerned about our health and aren't just offended that we aren't conventionally attractive? I mean caring about a fat person's health would require some empathy, something that is clearly not happening with the hateful context in which health is mentioned.

The rebel in me reads stuff like this and wants to stay fat, just to give the fat-haters the middle finger. But you know what, I'm not doing this for them, I'm doing it for me.

Tough Week

My head has definitely not been in it this week, and the evidence is in the scale.

Everyone knows the drill-- super busy, stressful week at work, messy kitchen, not a lot of food in the house. . .

It all combines to make it easy to be careless with food and also to completely ignore exercise.

Let's see. This week I had pizza (twice!). I also had half a quesadilla with some chips and salsa on the side last night. About the only thing I've managed to do right this week is avoid the Halloween candy that is all over the place at work.

My portions are soooo much better. I think the band is working to help me feel full faster. But I just could not find it in me to care about *what* I was eating to get me to that full point, not to mention that the stress made me really hungry between meals so that doubled the difficulty of caring about what I was eating.

I have gained about 4 lbs this week. My guess is that most of it is from the salt, given my calorie count has still been no more than 1200 even with the questionable stuff. Still, it's discouraging.

I was going to go to Support Group today, but clearly they weren't looking at the city calendar when they planned it. There is a HUGE football game that backs up traffic like you wouldn't believe that runs right by the hospital. There is no way anyone is showing up to that group meeting.

So instead, I blog.

First Fill

Had my first fill this week-- 1.5 cc's.

I honestly wasn't sure if I needed one yet as I've been steadily losing without really feeling hunger without it, but Dr. really wanted to do it so I went for it.

He said 3 days clear liquids after fill. I have to admit that this is the first time I'm going to deliberately and willfully ignore those instructions. I've had a cup of sugar free jello and a sugar free popsicle (both clear liquid approved) in the past 48 hours and I am hungry. So I'll be moving onto full liquids (protein shakes, tomato soup) for the last 24 hour period as long as I can tolerate it. This is one instance where the internet is helpful (unhelpful), because I've seen the post-fill diet restrictions of other bandsters and 72 hours of clear liquids is on the extreme side.

Today and yesterday I weighed in at 234. That's 59 lbs lost since my high weight of 293. Yeah me!

Food-aholic to Shop-aholic

Man, losing weight is going to be hard on my bank account.

Yesterday I stopped at Belk to "look around" (yeah, right), and I found the clearance racks in the Misses section first. I picked out a few shirts in XL just to try on to see how far away from the size I was and to my absolute surprise and pleasure, I found several that fit.

Now, I'm not gonna lie-- they were all the "blousy" kind that are not intended to be form fitting and they were probably more form-fitting on me than the designer intended. But I bought 3 new shirts for a total of $40, knowing that I would be able to wear them for a good long while as I lose.

It felt amazing. At the same time, I felt really self-conscious as I was browsing the racks in the regular-size section. My mind kept telling me that the other shoppers were seeing me and wondering what I was doing in "their" part of the store. Totally paranoid on my part, and so what if that were true anyway-- but it was a strange psychological experience.

So when I got home, I tried on my birthday present to myself-- a leather jacket I bought two days before my surgery in a size 1x to use this winter. When I bought it, there was no way to zip it up-- I had an eight-inch gap at my breasts that I'd have to lose before even thinking of wearing it.

Well, that eight-inches is gone! I need to take my measurements again because that jacket zipped right up and fits now. It's amazingly exciting-- and just in time for the weather to be slowly cooling down (I live in the South and last week it was still in the mid-80's, but this week we're seeing 70's).

I have a feeling I'm going to become a shop-a-holic.

Progress Pics: 26 days Post-Op

In clothes, I'm down from a tight 3x to a tight 1x in shirts, and from a 24 in pants to an 18/20 (I can fit in 18, but 20 is comfortable).

The pedestal is so tall from the ground. . .

This ain't as easy as it looks, or as easy as I try to convince myself it is.

So I'm doing great with my daily calorie intake, and I'm losing weight (down 22 lbs in less than a month-- down 53 lbs total from my highest pre-op weight). BUT. The last two days I've been indulging in food that I shouldn't be eating at this stage.

Last night I had girl's night, and though we planned to have it at my house where I was going to serve fish and steamed vegetables, there was a last minute change and we met at my friend's house instead. Friend ordered pizza for dinner. There was no question that I had to eat something given that I hadn't eaten since about 11:30 AND I'd had a margarita at happy hour (though I did successfully avoid the chips and salsa). So I ate one small piece of artichoke and garlic pizza, very slowly. It tasted awesome, filled me up, and no one noticed I only had one piece. So ok-- pizza crust is definitely not on my approved post-op recovery list and it is DEFINITELY not on my low-carb list, but I went into this knowing that there was no way I was going to go my entire life without ever enjoying things like pizza or pasta again-- just that it had to be a treat rather than the weekly norm. For me, it's more that I feel guilty that it isn't on my approved week 4 list and I've been feeling so holier than thou about people who test their band being dumb.

Hello pot? It's me, kettle.

Still, I was under 1200 calories for the day yesterday, even counting the margarita, so I wasn't going to beat myself up over it.

Tonight, I had a small piece of coconut cream pie. Again, even with that I was at 1000 calories for the day, but argh! Toasted coconut is about as far away of an approved food right now as you could get.

What the hell, self?

Don't even get me started on my lack of exercise since Friday night.

Food Porn

Last night's dinner:



Baked tilapia with steamed zucchini and some lemon-baby dill sauce









Tonight's dinner:



Feta Tomato Stuffed Eggplant

Weird Fings Wot I Eat

In these first few weeks, I've been eating some weird stuff.

Recipes for the mushies among us:

Crustless Quiche
2 eggs
1 tablespoon of milk
2 tablespoons cottage cheese
1 tablespoon artichoke dip (spinach dip would be awesome too)

Puree the cottage cheese and dip; beat the eggs and milk; stir it all together and put in a small baking dish.
Cook in 350 oven for about 35 minutes or until it looks done. Makes 2 servings, and pretty good in terms of protein for a mushy stage.

Fake Lasagna
Brown low-fat sausage, hamburger, or turkey; add onions, mushrooms and garlic. Season with a little salt and some red pepper flakes if you like spice. Add tomato sauce and a can of diced tomatoes. Cook together for 15 minutes, then put about a cup of it in the blender/food processor and puree until smooth (I used the rest to make my husband stuffed shells).

In a bowl, mix a container of low fat ricotta cheese (or cottage cheese) with one egg yolk and a handful or so of mozerella cheese. Add black pepper to the mixture.

For your meal, put a layer of the cheese mixture in a baking dish, then your sauce. Top with a little parmesan. (You could layer more if you want).

There will be a lot of sauce and cheese leftover, so this is a good one if you've got a family-- go ahead and use the rest for real lasagna for them, or stuffed shells.

Cover with foil and bake at 375 for 30 minutes-- take off the foil about 10 minutes before so your top layer of cheese will brown up.

Chili Puree

Brown 1lb of low fat hamburger or turkey, add diced onions, chili powder, red pepper flakes and salt to taste.

In a soup pot, 2 cans diced tomatoes, 2 cans Rotel, 2 cans chili beans, 1 can kidney beans. Add hamburger. Cook as long as you can take it (it tastes better the longer it cooks). Pop a cup into your food processor and blend until it isn't chunky. Top with a smidge of cheddar cheese, or sour cream to your taste. Again, lots of protein at a stage where it's hard to get protein. Tastes great leftover.


*A note on the meat-- some doctors may not want you to have meat at the mushy stage, even pureed into non-chewable pieces, so check and make sure if you have concerns.

Two Week Appointment

Today I had my two week post-op appointment. I was supposed to get my first fill, but my port site is still not healed as much as he expected so he put it off for another two weeks. I'm ok with putting my first fill off (I'm still feeling ok on appetite and am not yet having problems following my post-op diet). But I am a little upset that apparently, I'm taking longer to heal than normal. I am 35 years old and I'm healthy-- no comorbidities-- so it's just weird that I'm behind the healing curve. This does explain why I can't comfortably sleep on my stomach yet.

Other than that, I feel pretty good. I had a very minor "complication" in that the dermabond came off of one of my incision sites a little earlier than it should have, before it was completely closed. It was almost there though, so I didn't have to have it stitched up-- just have to take some precautionary antibiotics and keep it covered with neosporin and a bandaid. It's looking pretty good by now. My port incision (the biggest one) is the only one that still looks a little gnarly- mostly because of the scab.

I made myself pick my walking regimen back up this weekend, so I've walked 3 out of the last 4 days. My dogs are loving it! I'm still a little slower than I normally would be, but I've no doubt I'll gradually pick up the pace.

And that is me, 2 weeks out. Doctor and home scale have me down 15lbs since my surgery date. Most of that came off in the first week and a half, but I am not complaining.

Soapbox

So here's where I get kind of preachy and soap-boxy. Does it help that I realize it?


I spend a little time on some lap-band surgery online forums, and there are two things I've noticed:

1)There are a lot of posts from people who are frustrated with how they aren't losing at the rate they'd like/expected with the band ("I thought it would be easier than this!", "Why do I see other people losing every week when I go weeks without losing?")

and

2)There are a lot of posts about "cheating" and requests for people to validate that cheating.

Might these things be related?

Now, don't misunderstand-- people can lose at different rates and you could do everything "right" and still get stuck at a plateau or have the weight come off slowly and I know that is true of a lot of people. Also, no one is perfect and I'm sure many many successful bandsters go off-program at least occasionally. But it seems like I see a good number of people posting both of the above comments and I'm really curious about why they don't see the connection. I've decided I really don't want to be one of the latter types.

My goal is to follow my surgeon's program as closely as possible.

My goal is to try not to "test" my band to see if I can still eat foods that I know I shouldn't be eating, because what the heck am I winning if I beat the band? NOTHING. I seriously doubt I will be 100% successful at this, but I have absolutely no plans to "check" to see if I can still eat everything I did before-- to what gain? (weight gain, hahaha, ba-da-bump)

Yes, that means that I'm going to give up some beloved foods for a while until I an figure out IF I can safely work them into my diet in moderation (and that probably won't be until I've reached a maintenance stage-- I'm looking at you, french fries). Yes it means that sometimes I will get frustrated with craving things that have no nutritional value and will set me back (cupcakes, anyone?). But I know I can do it, and I know, after looking at the bill that was submitted to my insurance company for this surgery, that I damn well better do it!

So yeah, bandsters, give yourself a break and don't go into it looking for ways to beat the system. You're just screwing yourself if you do that, and why bother with the surgery if you aren't interested in changing your lifestyle?

A Little Over a Week In. . .

. . . and feeling pretty good!

One of the things I've noticed from being involved in online forums is that different surgeons have vastly different pre-op and post-op diets. So since I'll be talking about my post-op diet today a bit, I thought I'd give a sense of what my surgeon has me doing.

- 2 days of clear liquid after surgery
- 7 days of full liquids (basically add yogurt, protein drinks, and cream-based soup with no chewable chunks)
-7 days of "mushies" (mashed potatoes, oatmeal/cream of wheat, scrambled eggs, mushed banana)
-7 days of soft foods (cheese, refried beans, baked fish, veggies cooked super-soft, cottage cheese)
-4 weeks of adding in lean meats; after that, I can try nuts etc.



So right now, I'm on my second day of mushies. Yesterday I had half a yogurt, 3 tablespoons of hummus, a wedge of soft Weight Watchers pepper-jack cheese, and about 3/4 cup of pureed chili. Today I've done a protein shake and probably about 5 oz of broccoli cheddar soup with actual chunks of broccoli that I have to chew-- my teeth don't know how to function. I'm actually looking forward to a dinner of scrambled eggs tonight- ha!

So warning-- here comes my neurosis. As a low-carb convert, I am having a really hard time with my post-op diet. It is all carbs until I can start eating veggies and fish next week. I dropped over 30 lbs pre-op following a low-carb diet and I just hate that I'm "losing ground" by eating all of this carby stuff. I realize how crazy this is! I have to eat, and it just so happens that things that can be in liquid/soft form are mostly made up of carbs. I'm trying my best to choose things that are low in sugar, but there's only so much you can do.

I know I'm doing fine, because based on my scale, I've lost 14 lbs since my surgery date. That's 14 lbs in 11 days, largely brought about by the fact that I barely eat anything (yesterday was a LOT for me to eat, comparatively). But I sort of hate that I'm going to have to "detox" again, when I already was through that sugar-craving period.

Still, I'm happy! This was a good decision for me and I can tell it's going to work. Yesterday, a friend who doesn't know about my surgery, commented that she can't get used to my new haircut because every time she looks at me, I look *different*. She said she can't figure out what it is, so it must be my shorter hair. I just laughed and agreed, though I knew on the inside that it's also that my face especially looks different and she's noticing it without realizing it.

I'm Banded!

Surgery was Friday and everything went well. I now have a band and am in the recovery phase.

I have absolutely no hunger yet. I believe I get my first fill at my two week appointment. Maybe if I am very lucky I won't have too much of the "head hunger" I've heard other people deal with.

Not that I haven't had any of that. Even though I'm not physically hungry, I do get "hungry" when I see a burger advertisement on television. I'm a Pavlovian dog, salivating at the sight. Nom nom nom.

Doing the Old Pants Dance

Oh, my somewhat ratty old army green cargo pants, how I've missed your soft cotton comfort. See, you're a size 20 and I haven't been able to wear you for a very long time-- so long that I've forgotten how long it has been. But today, you are comfortably hugging me, fitting perfectly, not at all tight-- just like you should be. My butt welcomes you home.

One week before surgery, and I'm 32 pounds down from my high weight. And best of all, those are 32 pounds I will never see again. The best thing about this band process is that I know, for the first time as I'm losing weight, that every pound I lose is a pound gone forever, not just for a little while.

Starting Measurements

I decided to take some advice and do measurements as an additional way to track my progress.







8/16/10

Underarms/Chest: 44
Bicep: 17
Breasts: 51
Ribcage: 46
"Top Roll": 53 (this is where my waist is supposed to be)
Hips: 56
Thigh: 30


Edited to add starting photos: These are about 10lbs over the date of the measurements, but close enough.

An Evolving To Do List

1. Find diet sheet from surgeon.
2. New pair of training shoes.
3. Alleviate plantar faciitis symptoms w/stretching.
4. Research exercise equipment: elliptical or treadmill? Answer: treadmill
5. Buy things: food scale, liquid tylenol, chewable multivitamin, chewable calcium, biotin, B12 sublinguals
6. Buy treadmill. It has a nice new home in my basement
7. Set realistic exercise goal and get started (you can cross it off after two weeks of doing it)
8. Shop for liquid diet: broth, sugar free popsicles, sugar free jello

Obsession

Now that I've got a date, I seem to be obsessed with gathering information on message boards and in books. It's been so long since my nutrition consult last fall that I really don't remember a lot of it so I'm particularly worried about my post-op diet (liquids, purees, oh my!). Today I requested our county library system to send me 2 weight loss surgery recipe books and a general WLS book so I can look them over before buying.

Yay for good libraries! Everyone should have access to one.

The protein powder/protein shake thing is overwhelming me. I know I'm going to be using them a lot, probably for the rest of my life, and there are so many freaking brands. They are too expensive to just try haphazardly, so I'm trying to condense info. I keep hearing about Isopure and Unjury so I guess that's a place to start.

Today I broke the 270 mark at 269.8. About 9 lbs in one week on low carb pre-op-- not too bad.

So I've been doing low carb this week to begin to prep for my September surgery.

Day 2 or 3 for me on low carb is Dooms Day, where Godzilla bursts forth from my stomach to hulksmash the world into submission. The first time I did low carb, I started crying hysterically on day 3 when I realized the seasoning I put on my chicken had 4g of carbs in a serving. This is only significant because I'm not a big crier. My husband had to use his suicidal-man-on-the-roof voice to talk me down. This time, I found myself shoveling the biggest steak I have ever eaten into my mouth and still feeling like my stomach was a gaping maw of soulless emptiness (you know, how many women feel about their mother-in-laws).

I think that was my low point for carb-craving this time around. I think I should probably pray for that poor masticated cow that was sacrificed to the sugar gods.

I have a date!

My lap-band procedure is scheduled for September 17th. I pushed it out a month so that I could lose as much weight pre-surgery as possible and since I tend to stop losing once I've hit a month, that should about do it.

One month out: 278.8 lbs, BMI = 45

Today is the highest BMI I will have for the rest of my life!

And A Year Goes By. . .

The true story of a fat person's weight loss efforts-- doing great, then a year goes by.

:)

So, I did do great. Between April and November of last year I lost and kept off about 25 lbs. Enough that people noticed, especially because my face looked thinner, but not enough that I had to buy a new wardrobe.

I also found out that my particular insurance didn't cover surgery, because my employer excluded it. So I was pretty bummed. I had to put things off while I switched insurance and waited for it to go into effect, but now I'm back on track! Insurance approved the surgery today and I schedule it next week.

I'm hoping to schedule in about a month. I want some time to get myself back in the right mindset on give myself a head start on weight loss. But yay!